Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The day that I cried over fake cheese

It all started with a sneezy nose. The sneezy nose gave way to the coughing throat. The coughing throat brought on the lack of sleep. All of these things together = a day off from work, my friends. I needed to nip this cold in the bud before it took a bit out of me and my grape.

So I called in, drank a massive amount of fluid and went back to bed.

Fast forward a few hours and it was time for lunch. My husband came home and wanted to know what I wanted to eat. This is a difficult question for me these days but I decided that bean burritos sounded tasty. I threw together some refried beans and rolled them up in a tortilla with salsa and Daiya cheddar shreds (that's fancy vegan talk for fake cheese). Normally, this is the ultimate comfort food for me. It's warm, simple to make, and just what I need when I'm feeling a little under the weather. As the beans started warming on the stove and the smells of said beans started wafting through the air I started to feel a little funny. Suddenly, beans didn't sound as good as they did before. I shrugged it off, made a burrito for each of us and sat down at the table to eat. K started eating his but I just sat there and looked at my burrito. It looked fine. It seemed fine.

It made. me. wanna. barf.

I decided to pick up the burrito and give it a chance. I set it back down. This went on for a minute or so before Kris noticed my burrito indecision. He encouraged me to eat it and said that it tasted fine but I couldn't do it. No way, Jose.

After psyching myself up for a while longer I decided to try a bite. Get over my beany fears. Eat the dang burrito that I cooked even though I felt awful. So, I picked it up. Gagged a little. Took one bite. Chewed. Swallowed. Chased it with an entire glass of water.

I wanted to like the burrito. Really and truly I did! But for some gosh awful reason I just couldn't do it. I went and laid down on the couch leaving a very confused husband at the table.

You see, the day before he had brought me a sandwich to work. I requested ham (the vegan lunchmeat version that I've been craving lately) and cheese with honey mustard on toast. The cheese was a vegan kind we had not tried before and I was anxious to see how it tasted. It comes in a block that you slice yourself and my poor, sweet husband had a hard time slicing it. It was very thick on one side and paper thin on the other. My first bite of the sandwich was (unknowingly) on the thick side and it was terrible. Very velveeta-y and just plain wrong. I gagged, threw the cheese out and ate the rest of the sandwich but couldn't remove that terrible taste and smell from my memory.

So it's Wednesday and I'm lying on the couch thinking about that terrible cheese and how my burrito wasn't any good. Sweet guy that he is, my husband came over and put his arm around me to see what was wrong. Our exchange went something like this:

K- "You okay"
Me- "Noooooo!"
"Why can't you eat your lunch?"
"Because it's gross and I don't know why else."
"But you said that what you really wanted was a bean burrito."
"I know but it's nasty. I can't eat it."
"Well then what do you want to eat?"
"I want REAL cheese!!" (beginning to sniffle here)
"Okay then eat some real cheese"
"I can't! I'm a vegan."
"That's okay. It'll be fine."
(Boohooing now) "I want real cheese! I don't want to be a vegan! Why am I a vegan? I can't do it! I'm hungry for pizza."

I cried into my couch like the hormonal, semi-vegan, baby that I am. It was horrific and I hate to admit it, but this went on for quite a while. K drove me to a local burger placed and picked me up a vegan burger...with REAL pepper jack cheese. It was one of the best things I've ever eaten. Seriously.

I am so embarrassed about the entire cheese meltdown debacle, but putting it all over the internet sure seems like a great solution! I'll laugh at myself and let other people laugh with me!




Esther said...

You know...you and Kris should get used to this. It's probably going to be weird a lot at your house for the next 9 months. Try not to worry. You will get your brain back eventually, though I have to warn you that it will never be the same...

So glad about your news! Call if you want to cry (or laugh or celebrate!) the joys of pregnancy...I'll be glad to listen.

Dora Bailey said...

Right! :D Laughter is the BEST medicine even if you're letting people (empathetically, in my case) laugh with you over your fake cheese melt down. :) Love you and your grape who likes real pepper jack cheese! :) Hang in there! :)

Tabitha said...

haha I love you! This made me laugh.

Mother of a Sea Monkey! said...

Yep, you're pregnant. My favorite was the day chili (which is my all-time favorite even in the middle of the summer) was super tasty for lunch, then made me want to run for the toilet when I had it for dinner... Don't worry! This too shall pass! And probably a lot sooner than you think. :-)

Anonymous said...

So does this mean that you will eat REAL meat again????? I don't care what you say......fake ham is NOT REAL HAM!!! Just saying. I think I really like this grandbaby already...it's getting you to eat real food! Can you see me smiling. I love you! MOM