Wednesday, May 30, 2012

40 weeks

Hello, Due Date. Nice to see ya!

(If, in your mind, you just started singing "It's been a long tiiiiiiime" then you are my hero. However, since it's the first time I've ever seen a due date I can't very well add that to the above title, now can I?)

Moving on.

It's May 30th! The long awaited due date. I really thought that I would have LDB in my arms now but he has other plans, I guess. Things are pretty nice for him in my belly and trying to convince him to evacuate would be futile. So instead, I'm still just content to wait for the Lord's timing and welcome my boy whenever he's ready.

To celebrate my due date, here is a list of just a few things that I have loved about my pregnancy:

*Having an active baby. Some people may think that I'm exaggerating, but I really am very serious when I say there's rarely a minute that goes by when I don't feel him moving around. It's the most precious reminder that a life is growing inside of me and I love that it's constant!

*Watching my husband become a dad. K has risen to the occasion so well! I've never doubted that he would be an excellent father but seeing the progression in his personality and interests has been incredible. God blessed me with an awesome guy.

*Planning his nursery, even though he doesn't have one yet! This has been one of the challenges and joys all wrapped into one! I love knitting and making things for his room but knowing that we're moving after he's born has been a challenge. I can't set up a nursery yet but I sure can enjoy thinking about it!

*Showers and registering. I certainly don't mean this to sound selfish, but I loved our baby showers. We were very, very blessed to receive literally everything we need from generous family and friends. At the end of each shower I was overwhelmed with the knowledge of how blessed we are. LDB is immensely loved and provided for already and there were so many things that we simply could not afford on our own.

*Watching our families. I've mentioned before that this is my parent's 7th grandchild and K's parents 1st. It's so fun to see the different transformations in each of them. This little guy is gonna have awesome grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. (Thank the Lord for Skype, iChat, and Facetime!!)

Tomorrow when I'm not feeling so sentimental I may come up with a more lighthearted list but for now this will due. I'm praying that my cool as a cucumber attitude continues as long as my pregnancy does. If I wake up in the morning, am officially aware of being OVERdue, and my attitude changes please be patient with me! Here's to hoping (for my husband's sake!) that it's not the case!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

39 weeks

Yesterday I hit 39 weeks!

Here are some answers to questions I've been asked a lot lately:

*How big is he?
I do not have any idea how big LDB is going to be. I haven't had an "official" ultrasound since my second trimester so we haven't had any recent measurements. There isn't any indication that there's anything wrong with him so our midwives feel that there's no real need to have another. We're perfectly comfortable with this because the guesses that they make are just that...guesses. I don't think there's anything I can do to affect his size so it doesn't really matter to me if I know or not. In fact, I'm happier without the guessing because I'm aware of my family's history of big's inevitable and I don't care to have any reason for anxiety about it. :-)

*Are you STILL working?
Yes, I'm still working. Yes, I plan to work until LDB is here. No, I don't consider myself crazy for this...haha! If I was feeling miserable I'm sure I would have thrown in the towel a couple of weeks ago.

*Still feeling good?
Yes, I still feel great. I have been to a chiropractor twice lately so that helps, too. I never thought I would make it this far and still not feel like a lumpy, pregnant mess! I am very thankful for the strength and health that I've been blessed with. Praying it will continue for another week or so :-)

*You're not still planning on cloth diapering right after a move, are you?
We will be cloth diapering whether or not we have washer and dryer immediately. I've been using a laundry area outside of my home for's all good. It will be inconvenient, for sure, but the cost savings and environmental reasons are still worth it to us. We do have some disposables on hand for backup but we'll still do cloth primarily.

*Will you be delivering in your new town?
The big move isn't happening until June 11th(ish) so I won't be relocating to a new hospital right before delivery. Praise the Lord for his impeccable timing!

*What are you going to call him?
We've chosen a name for LDB that has a very common nickname attached to it. We've been asked a lot lately if we plan on using that nickname which, of course, we expected! It's a great nickname but we don't plan on using it. We want him to be able to decide as he grows if he'd like to be called that or not. We LOVE his name, are proud of it, and plan on using it exclusively. It's longer than some, but hey, so are our names :-)

*How are things going with buying a home?
Swimmingly! I'm dealing with all of the paperwork and communication from afar so it gets a little tedious but it's worth it. We are SO happy to finally be moving into a place that isn't owned by a school. I'll post about the house after we move, so stay tuned!

*Are you getting nervous?
No. Not one bit...seriously. I am so happy about being a mom and seeing my amazing husband as a dad. This is also the very first grandbaby for my awesome inlaws and #7 for my mom and dad. This time is WAY too exciting for me to be nervous. He's already loved immensely and I'm just ready to meet him at whatever point God has decided for him to make his arrival!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Week 38.

Another quick update of random tidbits from my brain:

*I can't believe that my due date is only two weeks away! It feels like I've been pregnant forever and at the same time I can't believe how the time has flown. You know what I mean?

*I have the greatest mother on the face of the planet. She spent a couple days with me while K was out of town and I was so sad to see her go. Not because she did my laundry, packed boxes, washed dishes and helped me set up our temporary baby-station....but because she's amazing company and I love to laugh with her. I'm blessed to have an incredible relationship with my mom.

*I went to a chiropractor today for a consultation and to be adjusted. It was awesome and (if LDB hasn't come already...) I'll be going back again next week.

* Packing and getting ready to move is stressful but exciting! Praying we manage to get everything we need together on time!

*God has blessed us with an amazing couple of weeks of K being out of school. I'm loving this amazing time with my husband. He's awesome and I don't care who knows it!

*I'm still not feeling nervous about LDB's birth. I expected to be in panic mode right now with the fear of the unknown settling in...but right now I'm still cool as a cucumber. Hope that feeling lasts!!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Church Baby Shower

On Sunday, April 15, our lovely church hosted a baby shower for LDB! It was a lot of fun! We got some great things from our registry and some lovely hand-made things as well. K spent the afternoon with a couple of his guy friends from church so this was a fun time with some of my favorite ladies. My mom was able to make it, too!

Here are a few photos from the shower:
The yummy food

 Super cute, very tasty cake made by a sweet friend

 Starting to open gifts

 You can't tell from the picture but this is a cute hat with LDB's name embroidered on it

 There always has to be a goofy face photo....

 So thankful for the carseat! Now we can actually bring him home!

 Baby bathtub...another great essential!

A sweet handmade hooded towel

The time of fellowship and the thoughtful gifts were such a blessing! I'm going to miss these sweet ladies soooo much!!

Week 37 - and lots of changes!

Today begins week 37! Time has been flying and energy has been waning but here's a quick update on our lives.

(Before I begin, let me make a quick explanation. I use this blog as a means of updating family, church and friends about our lives. That being said, I don't like to use our names, location, etc. in case someone we don't know happens along anything I write. I don't keep things too hidden but I refer to my husband as "K", my son as "LDB" and our current location as "Cowtown". So anytime you happen across a random nickname like that just know it's for bloggy purposes only.)

Moving right along...

*Last week K graduated with his Master's degree! I am so immensely proud of all of his hard work! I'll hopefully have pictures and more info later.

*We're moving! K has been called by a church down south to serve as the Minister of Music and Education. We are so excited about answering the Lord's call to full-time ministry after years of preparation. The hot topic that comes up when we mention this is of course, "Why are you moving this late in your pregnancy??". The answer to that is, "We're not!". We'll be moving after LDB makes his arrival into the world. More info on this later, as well.

*I'm still feeling mostly good. My feet are fat but I've learned to deal with it. I'd much rather have water retention issues than blood pressure problems or nausea. I've been more tired and emotional lately but hey, I'm pregnant and that's ok!

*What have I been up to in my "free time"? Lots of....



 <----Diaper laundry


Thursday, May 3, 2012

One year ago today.

April 29, 2012

Today is bittersweet. It's love and it's loss and it's terrible beautiful. It brings me to my knees in agony, but that just puts me in a better position to humbly praise Jesus for how far a year can take me. To be thankful for the journey is a journey in itself, but that's where I stand today. So here goes the story, ready or not.

One year ago my body gave up. Most people would say it like this, "I had a miscarriage."
But you know, I struggle with saying it that way because it doesn't encompass the entire picture. And at the same time, the entire picture isn't really something that can be shared or understood. So maybe that's why it's so difficult to put into words without feeling irreverent or like you're leaving something out.

The story starts on a Monday with two very unexpected pink lines. It didn't seem possible and it left my husband and I floored. There were no happy exclamations or tender moments of joy. This was scary and tense. We spent that evening in absolute shock and both had trouble sleeping that night. The next morning I called and made an appointment with a CNM group I had heard about. I was terrified, because K would be leaving to go out of town for almost a week starting on Saturday and I would be alone during this crazy time. The midwives office was very understanding and fit us in for an appointment the next day, ensuring that K could be there with me. We were both so scared that we decided to keep it all to ourselves. No family or friends were told and looking back, I am so grateful we made that decision.

The appointment with the midwife was reassuring and comfortable, but things didn't look normal. We scheduled an appointment with a special ultrasound clinic for Friday and still things weren't normal. By the end of the day on Friday we were both so emotionally and physically exhausted. The next day I took K to our college town where he had a gig for resurrection week and we were both crushed when I had to go home alone. I had another ultrasound with the specialist and more bloodwork while he was gone. Growth was happening but it was all wrong. All my blood levels were insanely high and they couldn't figure out exactly what was happening. The next couple of weeks are a blur. Trying to keep things quiet at work when I was constantly out for appointments was a challenge but it was for the best. I wanted so badly to cry on my mother's shoulder but at the same time I knew that we had made the right decision to not share about what was going on.

After being referred to another office, having more ultrasounds and blood tests than I can count over a period of a few weeks, getting constant bad news and never feeling quite well we had an answer. Yes, obviously I was pregnant, but development had completely stopped very early on. There was never a heartbeat but, for some unknown reason, my body wouldn't miscarry on it's own. The doctor recommended a procedure called a D&C and I numbly agreed. The date was set for the Friday before K's finals week at school and we finally called our parents to share about what was happening.

From this point in the story I could share more, and some day I actually might but it's not for today. Today what I want to share is this:
Over a period of a few short weeks my world was rocked and my faith was shaken. My husband and I were placed in a trying situation unlike anything we had ever experienced or expected. We grew closer to the Lord, closer to each other, and stronger in our convictions. Most importantly I learned that even when my world is turned upside down in a moment or over a few weeks, God NEVER CHANGES. Can you see the beauty in that? My body changed. My everything changed. God didn't. He loved me at the beginning and the end of this nightmare. He comforted me and drew me closer to my husband. He gave me the ability to respect and be grateful for my blessings. Even when I was angry He was my rock. We didn't have family to call and cry to so we cried out to God more than ever before. So now, when I look back on this time, I see it as a time of loss AND growth. I still hate that it happened but my season of grief was one that was filled with God's grace and for that I am truly thankful.

April 29, 2011 I walked into a hospital heartbroken and pregnant and walked out heartbroken and empty. April 29, 2012 I walked into a church with my heart full, my belly huge, and joined in as my husband lead a congregation in worship. God used this day to call us to a new adventure in ministry and in doing so brought this entire experience full circle for K and I. In one year God can change so many things. He can change your heart and give you another chance at a family. He provided my husband and I with an opportunity to praise him in our darkest hour and then provided us with beautiful plans for the future. Nothing could be more sufficient. That's the work of the Lord...certainly not our doing.

I'm closing out this post with an old hymn text that I ran across in one of K's text books that brought a lot of peace to my heart when I was thinking about this past year. I hope that it touches others in the way it touched me.

Jesus, my All-in-All Thou art:
My rest in toil, my ease in pain,
The healing of my broken heart,
In war my peace, in loss my gain,
My smile beneath the tyrant's frown:
In shame my glory and my crown,
In want my plentiful supply,
In weakness my almighty pow'r,
In bonds my perfect liberty,
My light in Satan's darkest hour,
In grief my joy unspeakable,
My life in death: my Heaven in Hell.