Some of the things that I'll get stressed over are trivial and short lived. Comments from people questioning our decision to cloth diaper or maintain a vegetarian diet, for instance. These people's comments are very well intended, I understand that. But the sting is temporary because these issues are simple and manageable. I believe that my husband and I are on the same page and in the end that's all that really matters. My diet and the covering on my baby's butt aren't really things worth losing sleep over, you know?
However, there are other things that are more complicated and difficult to grasp. Feeling God calling us away from a city and a church that we love immensely. Explaining those convictions to our family and church family. Trying to discern God's design for our family and how that plays a part in me working or not. Criticism in general about decisions that we feel strongly led in. Fear of taking steps in the dark toward a future that, as of right now, is so hidden.
Lately, God has been pouring over me a balm of incredible release of tension about all of these things. I'm afraid but I'm comforted. As soon as I start to feel alone I'm surrounded by love. Almost the moment I begin to panic someone or something comes along to bring perspective. Today in chapel at our school we sang the song "Our God" which I'm very familiar with and have enjoyed for a while. There's a particular part that rang more true with me than ever today:
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is healer, awesome in power, our God! Our God!
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
I have no idea where God is taking us or how He's going to get us there. It doesn't seem like we can financially make it for me to stay at home with LDB after a big move. My heart is breaking over leaving the friends we've made and the city we love. And of course, trying to answer other people when they lovingly ask us about our plans makes it all sound even more unstable. So here's where I stand. No, I don't know the answers...but have I ever? No. Will I ever know? Not entirely. In HIS timing HIS plan will be revealed. If our God is for us who could ever stop us? If our God is with us, who could ever stand against us? Romans 8:31 says "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" This is exactly what my heart needed today. A beautiful scriptural reminder that blind faith isn't reckless or irresponsible and having all the answers is sorely overrated. My call is to go with my husband to wherever God calls us. To be the mother He has called me to be in whatever circumstance He provides for. And most importantly, to be still. To lay all of this before Him and leave it there. It's freeing and uplifting and I wouldn't trade it. No matter the questions, no matter the cost. This is the life we've been called to live and it. is. beautiful.
What a MIGHTY God we serve.