"Excuse me, are you Kristen."
Who? Kristen? Uhhhh...
"No sir, I'm not"
Ok, back to my groceries now.
"Are you sure you're not Kristen? I think you're the person I'm looking for!"
Seriously? Did you find someone named Kristen on eHarmony and agree to meet her here? At Walmart? Classy.
"No sir. I am definitely not Kristen. I think I would know if I was."
Do I look like the kinda girl that would meet for a blind date at the Wal-Mart? In these ridiculously cute tights and boots? No. Kristen is probably in something trashy. Yeah.
"Well do you know the name Jesus."
Ah, so since Kristen isn't here you're going to hit on me instead.
"Yes, actually I do very well."
"But you're not Kristen?"
O. M. G.
"No! I am NOT Kristen."
"So you know the name of Jesus but you're not a Christian?"
"Oh! I'm so sorry! Are you asking if I'm a Christian?"
"Yes, exactly. I have this book here if you're interested in learning more."
Now, it's all coming together!
"I'm sorry, sir. I thought you were asking if my name was Kristen. I totally misunderstood what you were saying. I am a Christian and I have my own Bible."
"I see. That was the devil. He's always trying to distract us from the goal."
Ok, I'm SO glad that we're on the same page now. Back to my grocery list. That's right, walk back to your buddy over there. Now where was I? Oh yeah, marshmallows...graham crackers...
"Excuse me ma'am but I would love for you to have a copy of this book."
He came back. Again?
"Oh, no thank you. Like I said, I have my own Bible."
"But this isn't a Bible. It's a book that can't be bought in stores and I won't charge you anything for it. It's free to all people."
"Really, I'm ok. I'm sure you can find someone else who could use it."
"No, I would love for you to have it. Do you know what happens to people when they die?"
Haven't we established that I'm a Christian already?
"I think it depends on what they believe."
"So you believe in a heaven with God and an eternal hell?"
"Yes, that is what I believe."
"Well, you're wrong."
What the mess?!
I have never. Ever. Met someone so pushy.
"Please. Just take my book. It explains everything. The Bible never mentions heaven or hell. Christians have been deceived by society and I want you to know how to be a real Christian."
Flaring frustration. Are you even allowed to do this to people in Wal-Mart?
"I'm sure it's a lovely book but I know and understand what I believe."
"Please just take it."
"No thank you."
"No! I need to start my grocery shopping now." (Best clever come back ever.)
Because I came to Wal-Mart to shop not to have a book shoved under my nose by a pushy dude.
So I walk toward the frozen foods just to get away from homeboy. Then Kris walks up. Praise Jesus! (Whom I believe is my Lord and Savior. Just in case you've forgotten!)
"Do I need to go beat somebody up."
"No, he's just looking for Kristen."
"Yeah. That's exactly what I thought."