You know how to spot a brand new mom, right? She's the one letting her husband chauffeur the family around town while she sits in back with the new baby. Maybe she just feels more secure staying close. Or maybe she's like I was and has a baby who screams in the car seat and needs some extra comforting. Maybe she is convinced that she's going to miss that first smile or that the baby will somehow change while he's out of sight. I'm aware that not every mom does this but I know a lot who do!
Then, there's the proverbial backseat. Suddenly you're not "Jane", you're "Sally's Mom". Your needs, wants, and hygiene are suddenly second to those of the tiny human. If you choose to stay at home and put career goals on hold then you probably are getting really comfy in that backseat.
One side of motherhood that has been rather complicated for me is the concept of time standing still in a way. Obviously, time marches on and babies grow and life changes. But, as a stay at home mom, I have chosen to not pursue some of my former personal and career goals. Instead, I've accepted that this time is fleeting and there are things that can wait. Imagine though, if you will, coming into motherhood only a few years out of college and a degree in performing. A degree that is centered around the idea of musical excellence and being quite comfortable at center stage. Then BOOM! Here you are nearly 5 years later cleaning out your closet while your husband is working, babies are playing, and you come across an old faithful performance dress. Dust it off a little. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Ahhhhh. Take it in. Now open them and look around.
I know what you're waiting on. That moment where I say, "and then real life hits and there's poop to change and dishes to wash and life sure sucks!"
Nope. Not even a little. Because instead I look down and this precious life is smiling up at me as his big brother runs in to tell me that his absolute favorite part of his favorite movie has come on and I really need to come watch it, too. What did I do? I hung that beautiful dress back up in the far corner of my closet, picked up the baby, and (for the hundredth time) saw the moment in Toy Story where Buzz comes on the screen for the first time. You're jealous, right? Ok, so you're probably not. But here's what I'm sayin': I *chose* this back seat. There's something really special about looking around and knowing you are right where you're meant to be. Even if that place is a big mess and there's no big "stage" waiting for you somewhere. I feel so blessed to be a stay at home mother. I miss performing, working, and honing my skills but I know that those things will wait. I can pick it back up later if that's where God leads. But this time, this place? Sweet moments like this go by too fast.
So here I am. In the backseat and loving it. I've got my babies, my husband, my Jesus, my family and friends and I'm singing so loud!